So I just got back from seeing Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen and I have to say, it's very, very, mediocre. I have a lot to say about it so I figured I should make two reviews for two classes of people. This review is the shorter, spoiler free review. My next review of this movie will contain spoilers and be longer. It'll take me about a day to do, so don't expect it tomorrow or the next day. I have stuff to do tomorrow! Anyway, on to the review but first, the prologue.
I got there about 20 minutes before the film started and it was already pretty packed. I got a seat on the end of the row, right next to the stairs, so I had to use my awesome ability of contortion multiple times throughout the movie while people shimmy past. Kids were sitting in front of me. They were really annoying. Before the movie even began, they started chanting "Transformers" and everyone went oddly quiet. Their dad was like shh, nobody else is chanting. It was pretty funny. 8 year olds definitively enjoyed the movie. Out of their screams of laughter and other things, they made their view clear.
The movie starts off in 17,000 BC, showing some tribesmen chasing a tiger across the plains of... I suppose it's Egypt. They come across some robots with some huge cannon type thing and the bots start killing them. Then it cuts to Shanghai where some Decepticons were detected and a secret task force called NEST is coming to take down the robots. What does NEST stand for? I dunno, just roll with it. They use the Autobots to take down the Decepticons in the area and all is fine and dandy until Optimus Prime is given a warning about some dude named the Fallen.
Meanwhile, Sam Whitwickey, played by Shia Lebeowolf, is going off to college to learn about technology and astronomy. His mom is all crying and being annoying (which some people in the theatre misinterpreted as being humourous) and wishing he wouldn't go. He finds a piece of the all-spark in his jacket pocket and it beams the location of something that is unknown at this time into his head. He starts seeing weird symbols which'll help find the unknown item. He says goodbye to his parents and his girlfriend, which he promises not to blow off once he gets into college, and of course he'd never do that right? So he heads off to college and meets with his 3 roomies, 2 of which only have like 5 lines. The other one is godly annoying and unnecessary for the plot. Speaking of which, a lot of people and events are unnecessary for the plot. Those two dogs humping each other is really retarded, going to college is unnecessary. Even the humans are unnecessary.
A Transformers movie should be about Transformers, and not about human drama. I don't care about the seductive poses of Super Hot Megan Fox, I want to see stuff getting blown up. Who cares about love interests, this should be a movie about robots fighting robots and humans getting intertwined in the conflict. Everything they could of done correctly they failed horribly on. You can't pick out and name Decepticons, they're all gray and the same exact model. There is way too much Star Trek shaky camera, and you can't tell what is going on during the battles. The sad thing is this movie is so horrible, yet theaters are packed with people who are going to see it. I like to review movies, so I wanted to see this movie for the sole purpose of hating it. I really hated it. I'd barely consider renting the thing let alone buying the dvd. You should probably avoid this movie until the DVD comes out.
I'll explain all these plot failures and retarded themes in a lot more in detail in my spoiler review.
Stay tuned!
